Days that went by

super long time

2008-10-23T23:52:00.003+08:00

wah...
it had been real some time since i last blog.
today i went to eat outback with wendy and eleanor. it have been some time, since i last saw them.
it was a great outing, though the timing is short. but it is worthwhile.
we went to outback, had alice spring chicken, which is super nice with bacon and cheese ontop of the chicken. nice~
follow by super chocolately cake at bakerzin and complete with a nice cold mocha. but the weather is already quite cold.
hahaa
had nice catching up session, while wendy talk about how good her mooncake sales was, in goodwoodpark.

i think, i have fall in love with abba song, after i watch mamamia.
i keep listening to their song. just love it all.~

i went to cut my hair too.~
saw ade new hair look, it really temp me so much that i also cut bangs too.!
hahaa...
but it is not really straight across, but my hairstylist cut it abit arch feeling. so ok la.
though i think, sometimes i look abit nerd nerd with my new hair look!
hmm... trying to set up face book leh...
kinda hard..
still waiting for the hotmail confirmation email....zzzzz

okok
that all for now:)

closure

2008-09-11T03:42:00.002+08:00

went to his house downstair and realised that his car is not around.

called him several times.. but never pick up.

i send him an email to say what i wanted to say...
and i guess that it. .

that is my closure..

when things aren't what it seem to be

2008-09-09T23:53:00.002+08:00

i always though that, when 2 alike people are together and all seem to real to be good... it always turn out to be bad...
i'm tired that.. why am i always so affected by relationship...

looking back at my blog... i felt so embrassed... because... it is just the previous entry that i wrote, how ok is my relationship with Mr. X.
but now. just the next entry... i am complaining about it..
the thing that i like about him, and the similar character that i compliment about.. is what i hate now...

why?why?

am i going to let relationship bother my whole life...

is not that i have high expectation...

i just wanted to be happy.. without going through hardship.
i felt more disappointment, when you know that, you actually did put in effort.. but in the end, you still can't get the kind of unconditional love and happiness that you are looking for...

of course.. my life still have other stuff.

my work, is definately taking up a lot of time... i am so tired everytime after a roadshow.. and looking at those part timer... i just find that, they are sometimes just too much. when u treat them too good... i think mankind are like that.. when you treat them good.. they will treat you the opposite... crazy...
have been driving for long hours and repeated route that sometimes, i know i am on auto mode when i am driving. i know that is dangerous. but sometimes, when you are too tired and you just wish that you reach home soon... you will step harder on the accelerator and the next thing you know, the buildings beside you are flying~

i NEED and WANT to go clubbing... but i know that, part of me, are too tired to go. after a whole long 12 to 13 hours of work. there is only one thing in your mind, which is... REST. but i really want to go clubbing.... i need to have fun!
i think i can say that, i am also seeking for happiness. and if i can't seek happiness from Mr.X.
i need to go places or meet people to meet my happiness quota.
if not,... i will really... be very PEK CHEY.

PEOPLE... Friends!
i miss you guys.... hai~ i know. you all did ask me out... but beecause i need to accompany Mr.X and also i have limited time also... so ya. i have rejected you guys a couple of times... sorry for that.. However... i will still try to plan time for you all...

Church.. i miss going to church.
i know. i know. i have ask my boss b4, but now the period is not in my favour to ask again.. have to push back again. hopefully, i can make it on this sunday... as sat is my sister wedding...

family...
my temper had become quite bad.. but i am trying to control. and sometimes i realised that, i treat friends even better then my own family member.. oh no...
hai~!
got to change~!

well... this is for all.. at the time being i guess..
i just wanted to be happy in my relationship.
why is it so hard, for him to accept for who i really am..

i just miss him... papi.

it just so happened..

2008-08-26T14:38:00.002+08:00

as you all have known that i have once again... step into a new relationship.
i told myself not to compare, because afterall it is a different person and each of us is unique in our way. so probably, this relationship has its own unique style.. but deep inside you and i know, sometimes, we will still compare a bit.. unknowingly..

but i'm glad that things are quite ok and trying my best not to have any expectation.. things are ok, in terms of, Mr. X will talk about things that he is unhappy about. his character is so similar like mine.. sometimes, he will really read my mind without me saying it... i think maybe his reading of other people body languages is exceptional higher then other people? or do we really have exceptional high chemistry then any other couple??

maybe just so happened that we just click.
no reason for it..
it just so happened..

bored and struck!

2008-08-11T00:48:00.002+08:00

if things were to be more simple and when our basic need is all what we needed...
maybe we will not get to see the ugly side of mankind..

if things were to be more simple..
choices might be easier to chose...
decision might be easier to make...

if things were to be more simple...
life might have more joy and laughter...

if things were to be more simple..
i love you might be easier to say...

new life

2008-07-04T00:53:00.002+08:00

just got my pay for my new job.
hmm.. ok la. so so. haha

wanted to buy contact lens today. but it is not fun at all. i have the money to buy. but the service is bad. i am so disappointed with the service for both optical shop that i went to.
so in the end, i nv buy any. hai~

met up with yvonne, pat and li xuan. eat at this restaurant called, blue. something. can't rememeber. the food was good. but i just dun like the ambience, i just find that its a bit squeeze and it just lack of some curtain. but i can say that, their service was good.

quite look forward to next week, as Mr. X has the same off day as me. so happy. This is because, well.. my off day is usually on the week day and it is not consective off days. so it is really 很巧合

though i find that, our character and thinking do clashes, but i just like to stick with him for the whole day. or is it, because i am bored, so any guy that can accompany me, then i will stick on to them??

Mr. M and me is really on a straight line now.
i understand what Patricia is thinking. but well...
I dunnoe if there is really no problem between me and Mr. M or it is really purely, I am the problem itself...
the truth is ... i also don't know...

humans are so complicated...

how i wish i have more courage to be myself...

update

2008-06-24T02:00:00.002+08:00

stop worrying. start living. laugh often.

glad that you called. though i thought you called at the wrong time. never did i expect that it, was you who made my day bright. with laughter and bring me away from my trouble thoughts..

had a rough first week of my new job. but, i am not giving up. whereas, i want to continue and prove to my manager that he nv hire the wrong person. and of course, to earn experience and mentally growth too.

do not wish to complaint more. i guess i complaint more than enough...

i try, i gave my all. and when i am down, you are not the person i run to.
why?

why all good things come to an end?

laugh often, grace..

True colours

2008-05-31T02:38:00.003+08:00

You with the sad eyes

Don't be discouraged

Oh I realize

It's hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness inside you

Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,

Don't be unhappy, can't remember

When I last saw you laughing

If this world makes you crazy

And you've taken all you can bear

You call me up

Because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow

If this world makes you crazy

And you've taken all you can bear

You call me up

Because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors

True colors are shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow...

happiness

2008-05-31T02:21:00.002+08:00

This should have posted long ago~ sorry sisters!
celebrating kelly's 21st bday!
i know.. i am lag.. almost at month end den i post what had happened during starting of the month..
well. i miss u, guys!

i kinda miss. myself.
where have u been?

lost

2008-05-13T22:05:00.003+08:00

i don't know what i want.
or...
is it, i do not dare to take what i want.

in a relationship, i wish to be less greedy and be contented with what i have, because i scare that i could not find a better one, and end of getting married, just because i need to or maybe just because the time is right.

i don't like my job i am too lazy, less motivated, no passion, because i have to do cold calling, memorise script, scare that i sell the wrong thing, that my team can't do and my team leader just constantly keep reminding me that i have not hit my target for june.! i am so tense up in my work tat, if any moment i felt free and nothing to do, i will have a hugh sense of gulity because, i am not doing any cold calling. but if i did, and i manage to get an appointment. my team leader will ask me, if it is necessary to go down for that appointment, if they are not doing their camp this year.?
having too many appointment, is bad.
having too little appointment, is also bad.
den, what?
and worse of all...
i am stuck in this situation, where i think my office ppl, think that i and this guy colleague of mine, are TOGETHER??!!!! OOOOMMMMGGGGG!!
i mean, yes----- we do click well, in the sense of the topic we talk. and we don't like the office culture and some of the office staff... we find that some of the ppl are very FAKE. behind their friendly smile.... and because we are the same character ppl... we are both high C. i mean in term of DISC profiling... and one more thing. yes. he eat lolly pop..
but the thing is, HE is YOUNGER den me. and moreover, he has a GF! which i think they are getting marry soon. and the thing why we are close enough... his gf is 33 years old... ya... it is the same age as Mr. M...
we have similar topics to talk about...
fren, YES. together? NO!
and the worst of all...
he don't click well with the rest of his team! so, he usually stick around with me. and my team leader actually come and tell me, to stay away from him?!!. because, alot of ppl, ask her, are me and him together????! hai~~~~~~~
but the thing is, i don't mind sticking around with him... but with my reputation at stake, and for future sake of continue to stay in the office... i have to STAY AWAY from him... so poor thing lor... and i also cannot take it myself... for having such behaviour...
so today, i have to go to a school appointment with him, because we are suppose to do blended solution for the client. then when i reach office, we have to discuss in detail on, what are we intending to propose to the teacher. therefore, we need to talk together... and i can feel ppl staring at us.... wahhhh laauuuu ehh..... bu tan han ar!!!!!!
stupid ppl.... they don't trust us at all... can we at least being treated as a adult please!
but i cannot confront them too... because they will give us this face, that say, "no. we nv felt that. you mistaken us. you are over sensetive." just feel like giving each of them, one tight slap!

i just don't feel like putting effort in this job anymore.
i hold on, because there is this "ego & self esteem" thingy going on in my heart. i find that, because this job, i need to wear presentable office wear, MUST BE cover HEELs. and in the office, everybody is prefer to speak english. people will keep correcting your mistake. it is good in some way. but it just... too bored for me...
i don't have the passion for the job.. but if you ask me, what do i want to work.?
i don't know....

i realised that, finding job is like finding husband...
i must find the right one, and should not waste my time anymore. i just want to stick to ONE!
i just want, a place, where, i can grow. i can feel happiness. i can feel a sense of belonging. i have the passion and drive to overcome down period. and lastly, stablility and security and trust between company and me for long long term.

in fact. it is the same, as finding the right guy.

i want to quit my job...

after so many negotiation... i and mr. m start to talk again... i though. i am happy. once i start to talk to him and be normal again.

but i realised i am not..

i just want to stay in those "white room" where there are no door. no window. but cushion flooring.
i know it look like those mental illness room...
but i just want to stay ther..
no need to many any choices...
because i am afraid of making mistakes...

hopelessly perfectionist...

back

2008-05-05T22:10:00.002+08:00

Hi there~
back back back from bkk...

well... i can say that, yes. indeed, it is NOT what i expect it to be.
but yes... there are times, where i will be left out. unless i take the intiative to talk to them.
but overall, it was cool.

this is not a retreat. this is a shopping trip!
we only have company meeting half day, and the rest of the 4day 3 night. it was like madness!
shopping shopping and endless of shopping.!

i bought a pair of 3 quarter jeans, 1 polo t, 1 miss bossy t shirt, 1 working top, 12 pair of ear rings, 1 pair of working shoes, 1 pair of slippers, some snacks, 3 pair of sunglasses... i know that is so terrible.. 3 pair... but anyway, when i came back, 1 spoilt. well... so i left with 2 now.
but anyway, tat about it la.. not alot. hmm... really. not alot. compare to my other colleagues.
hahaa..
den the rest, spent on massages and manicure and pedicure.

anyway, must thanks ade for providing me, the necessary information.. and places to shop around. really useful. thank ar. BBK PRO SHOPPING QUEEN!

well... just touch down sin, and i went out again.
and today, i am super tired...
need my rest now.!

anyway.!
Happy birthday KELLY!
i know.. its 1 day early.
hahaaaa...

cry

2008-04-29T22:03:00.004+08:00

its 10.07pm now..

i sitting at my bed typing on my lap top..

i will be leaving for bkk tml, but i have not start packing yet.

when i'm on my way home, i just kinda cry.

dun know why my tears fall so easily..

was supposed to meet a fren for dinner, i guess..
but it did not make it, just when i told my mom that i am not coming home for dinner... great.

stood me up...

tat is just what i need... i told myself...

my fren called back, and eventually told me that he was sorry for standing me up. i told him, it was alright... but when i told him that, i just needed someone to be there, a company, a lollypop regular or maybe just someone who can spent time with me for a while. cause... (as i was saying.. tears started to swell up in my eyes socket.. oh man.. not now... with so many ppl around me, and i'm in NEL... there,.. it flow down to my cheek.

i'm not sad that he stood me up or wat...
but dunnoe why. the tears. just flow down.

i... just feel like crying for a while.

i know. what had happened for the past few days. i just can't accept why i will cry?

i mean.. its not like i and him flare up and quarrel for days.

he.. just disappeared.

its not like we are together only for a few months. but for whole two years plus..

at first, i though. i am the one that is not happy with this relationship.. then.. i stood for a while and think...

is not like, singapore does not have any hp or public phone. if i don't called him. he would at least called me back. but the fact is.. he did not. or. should i say that, he choose not to call. at all.

and for the bangkok trip... i am seriously. actually. very.NOT!. much. look forward to it.

today in office. everyone. i mean. everyone. are actually clicking up together as a group to take taxi to airport together, eating breakfast and already fully planned their itineary and etc. without ME.

ya. i mean everyone. including my team leader.

i mean, i understand that, ya, i should voice out and say." can i join u all?" to be more sociable..

but with my mood like this...

i really just feel like walking out of the office door. and say goodbye forever to my company.

i just felt real down. i feel so sad that, there is no kind soul out there.. to include me. i mean... no one want to be an island... even how strong you think you are..

and the more i think about it. i felt more sad.. overseas trip are supposed to be fun... ya.. fun...

So, there i was, standing at NEL.. with tears in my eyes. i told myself. one hand. wipe it off. and stop the tears from coming down again.

and act as if dust had came to my eyes..

but, i know that is not true..

so sick

2008-04-28T21:26:00.002+08:00

Ne-Yo

So Sick

Gotta change my answering machine

Now that im alone

Cuz right now it says that we

Cant come to the phone

And I know it makes no sense

Cuz you walked out the door

But its the only way I hear your voice anymore(Its ridiculous)

Its been months

And for some reason I just(Cant get over us)

And im stronger then this(Enough is enough)

No more walkin round

With my head down

Im so over being blue

Cryin over you

And im so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why cant I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have

Thats marked April 28th

Because since theres no more you

Theres no more anniversary

Im so fed up with my thoughts of you

And your memory

And how every song reminds me

Of what used to be

Thats the reason im so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why cant I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)Leave me alone

(Stupid love songs)Dont make me think about his smile

Or having my first child

Let it go

Turning off the radio

oxygen and happiness

2008-04-24T18:26:00.003+08:00

Yup Yup this is my second entry since i moved to my new house. i really kinda quite like my new house, in the sense of, i have my own room, big tv, queen size bed, and wireless internet.. hahaa
cool sia.
its like my own super cool comfy suite room. hahaa

i finally got a day off.. after those sleepless night... finally can sleep for 10hours. hahaa
and finally can use my msn... after for so so so so so long... hai~
so many photo to blog... but i really dun like the uploading time...
especially friendster... going to kill their management..!!!
hey friendster!! i want to complaint ur horrible uploading photo system. everytime when the transaction of my photo being upload to friendster, ur horrible system will come out this sign "error"!!!!!!!!
stupid ar~!!!!!
i waited for so long... still like that....
argg....

hai~ ya.. lots of things happened... hmm.. can i say, is not happening at all????
i feel tat i am really bad at explaining... real bad. the more i explain, e more things come out worse...
i am really bored... my retreat is coming.. but i am not happy at all... no money.... no likeable colleague to be lame with... super trap....
trap on being not myself....

i need a bottle of oxygen and happiness...
can anybody sell me that?
pls do not hesitant to call me @9876 5432....
thanks.

hai ya... ok la. enough of writing.. below are a few crappy photo on me and my amazing fren... haha...

upgrading

2008-04-21T21:18:00.002+08:00

sorry ya...

so long den i blog again.

i will definately try to blog this time round. As i have internet at home already. So well... not much of excuse, of not blogging. unless i am really busy with my work.

But now... hmm... i am really quite busy with my work. Supposely, i have a script to memorise for my presentation on this coming wednesday... but this colleague of mine, is still rushing the script out. Though i really pity on him, as he really have a lots of things on hand, but I really had to rush him, as i don't think i can memorise that super long script about our company profile... and i am getting nervous as, i will have to present to the whole sales team and my sales director... which is so shit lor...

and moreover, i am going out on tml night, which is .... i think i only left with tonight to memorise... but anyway... hai.. no matter what... i have to memorise that stupid script by tonight.

hai~

that stupid feeling had suddenly crept out of my mind today...

the feeling of jealousy had suddenly overwhelmed me, and i felt like a green monster...

well.... i got to admit that, my "what if" though had come out again.

why. why. why.

why everybody is upgrading themselves, and felt so satisfied with their life.?

i don't think i felt satisfied with my life. i also noticed that, i complaint my life more than anything else. why. can't i just stop my mouth for a while. and think, how good is my life. and stop myself from comparing to others.

i really like to compare myself with others. but of course not in a evil way. but it just a slient comparision.

i want so much so much things in my life, that i can't measure... therefore i used 'much' instead of 'many'... and i have problem facing my own, economic.... there are so many demand, but so little supply... i really felt this way some times.

i just don't get satisfied with what i have. in terms of . happiness, education, and job satisfaction.

nevermind... just hope this is my last entry on being a green monster.

The next entry will be happier...

hopefully...

life is full of choices

2008-02-22T21:24:00.004+08:00

Hi all....
sorry for the late update...
house computer is down and now i am blogging using office computer...
the time now is 9.25pm.... and i am still at office alone...
my event is still going on. lucky just now, Ms E have help me on running the event with me..

been feeling down recently... so many choices to make, so little time to think....
my job has been really unstable due to that, my manager and ms. E have left the company. so i have been back to square 1... finding jobs again.
my relationship is on the rock now. no idea where are we heading after this 2 years plus. He said that I am not mature enough....
what is mature?
how can one tell if he/she is mature?
based on what?
based on own expectation?
then how can one meet his/her expectation, without telling out?
i felt so tired and stress.
i have to chose a job which will determine my life career. without any helping hand.
my life partner, my boyfriend is not there to provide me support and positive comment.
And when there is mistake. i have to be blame.
i felt no sense of security with him. i felt that he is leaving me to sink.

why is it that, i must always learn through the hard way.?
i know that through hardship, one can be strong.
but i don't wish to be strong. i wish to hide and be shelter in my comfort zone.

my job.. my job..
i love love my job. i am so happy to be working here at, BTP.
but why. why. happiness always don't last long.

why am i the only one, in my age, to feel like that. so lost. so afraid of the future. so afraid to make the wrong choice.
why is it people around me, are so sure of their choice? or are they acting? are they actually also feeling insecure of their future? or is it, that they just chose not to face it, and just let where their life lead them to be. ?

so many question. so many choice to make. but i just can't depend on others. but myself.
i know the fact that, life choice has to be make by myself.
but i just wish to share it out and hope that my Mr.M can at least, lend me a shelter to hide or even lend me a shoulder to lean on.
but he wasn't there. He just say that, my thinking is inmature.
am i?
why does he have to make me feel so small.. so native... beside him.
but this is me. i'm only 21 going to 22 this year.
how should i behave or think, den i can be compatible with him?

i just felt that, after coming back from aust... people just see me differently.
see me, as someone who can't manage big problem, someone who can't handle stress, someone who can't be street smart, someone who can't live abroad alone, someone who can't make big decision.
it just a mistake i made, but why people treat me like that..
the more i think....
i think i am really becoming that someone... because of how the people around me, made me to think this way.
but I AM NOT!

i felt so tired proofing people that i am not. so i just start to become this way.
just becoming who they say, i am to be...

i'm just trying to be perfect in everyWAY i can ... unknowingly..
i think, the main problem, is just that, i want Mr.M to love me, for who i am. no matter weak or strong.
but he don't. he just too alike with me. full of expectation that i must hit... or else... i will be label as imature...

i know all the comfort, ppl will say, ignore what other say, just be yourself.
but this is already me.

just us 2

2008-01-15T00:19:00.000+08:00

so fast, we have reach the year of 2008.
so many things will be happening in this year.
i will be moving to my new house, my sister getting married. and i got my job.
so many things that i wish to buy. but so little money.
i wan to get the nike watch and a puma bag... both are a bomb.
i think i should really plan how to use my salary. cause now is only mid month, and i am already so broke.
hai~
hmm... that night was fun, though only 3 of us.
i was hoping something more, or is it, that i kept thinking of him, after that meeting.
argggg....
but of course.... we both know that, it is impossible.

well...well..
my work is alright. at least, i don't feel that i am dragging myself to work. quite a nice environment to work in. but of course, there are its bad point too.
sometimes, i really really really, don't like my customer... some are very proud, some think they know everything, some are so !@##$%^^
ya... so you should knoe, i don't really like my customer...
cause i treat them nicely, quote them the best price, but they think that it is not the best price, and insist on negotiation with my manager, den so be it!
cause in fact... my manager.... normally quote more then we do... hahaa...
really can't stand my client.. especially those getting married couples....
wah lau eh... si bei buai tan han,.... sorry for my hokkien languages.. cause really cannot stand them, everything also want to be cheap.
den don't get marry la! easy. just go ROM there, sign den go la.
if you want a outdoor solemnization, then u must bear in mind that, it will be much more expensive then indoor hotel venue. because you will have to pay for a tentage fee, and moreover, this is actually not a venue to hold this kind of stufff, so you must bear all the cost for it.
hai~
any moreover, they cannot compare our place to other place, because we have different overhead expenses to cover ma...
hai yo~! so easy also don't know ma...
really can't stand those couples and parents for those kid who want to celebrate their kids bday.
if you really prepare to celebrate, den prepare to spend lor...
hai~
don't know if next time, i will be like that anot.
better don't!
or else i will be very angry with myself.

oh ya. lastly...
i would like to share this song to my friends. and those that known me. cause i really really really like this song very much. but at the moment still can't find its lyrics...
it is ... "just us two" by max shanti.
hope you all like it too.

i like this song a lots.
hahaa..

hope to blog as many as possible. sorry, cause although my job not very physical tired, but mentally very tired...
hehe..
see u around.
oh ya. will try to remeber to pay yvonne money, and
kim yee!!!!
hope i can go this sat 19.1.08 to double O.

update!

2007-12-13T23:15:00.000+08:00

just to update, that currently!! yes.. i am sick...
down with flu, cough and sore throat....

job wise is still good.
nothing bad to complaint about.
saw linda from tp the another day at work. she was working parttime at a catering company. well.. cause this client was using our venue and they hire her catering company.

hmm... recently quite tired...
but looking forward to the christmas gathering at von von house!!!

christmas christmas...
i luv luv CHRISTMAS!!!!

my little drummer boy~

Christmas is coming

2007-12-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

i like the feeling that christmas is coming.

Warm. delightful. joyful. white christmas. presents.

lastly. it is because Jesus Christ is born. everybody is celebrating.

hmm.... i luv luv christmas. just a pity that this year i can't have a christmas tree. for sure, next year, i will have one, and it gonna be a white one with purple and silver decorations. hopefully it won't turn to yellow as what kelly had said. hahaa

hmm.. this is the start of my second week of work. everything turn out to be good. i am getting busy, as i have undertake a few clients and have been writing quotation for them. and i had some good food for lunch last week. cause my manager and lady boss treat me for lunch at our seafood restaurant. for me to understand some of their famous dish, so that when i introduce it to the client. i know what it taste like.

well.. but one bad thing is really the travelling time between my workplace and my home. though i only need to take one bus. but the travelling time is 1hour! i need to board the bus at 8am at my home so that i won't be late at 9am, for my workplace. and when i leave my workplace at 6.10pm. but the time i walk out to the bus stop, it will be at 6.30pm. reach home at 7.30pm...

today i knock off at 7pm..zzzz i reach home at 8pm plus... i am so tired. just travelling. hmm.. don't know why...

i always though i like to take bus...

maybe Mr.M fetch me around too much that. i am used to sit in a car to go around.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hmm... i read your blog. as u had always know me for "the moment" kind of person. i am really that kind of people who if u don't need my expectation now. den sorry.. u have missed my "the moment"....

i need accompany and i also need love.

but.

i always used. "the moment" to estimate how much a person love me...

first day of work

2007-11-26T21:00:00.000+08:00

latest update!

today is my first day of work.
hmm... i actually was late today. first day of work. late.
but the lucky thing was, my supervisor actually start work at 10am. so hahaa... they don't know, except this uncle knows that i am late.
so there i was. sitting at my desk, and wait for the time to past.

infact today, i did not do anything much. basically, i did nothing. i just sit there and pretending to be busy, over the a few pieces of notes and some event orders. i open my email account today and did my signatures. and i also saw my name card already. so fast. hmm.. but the feeling was good. at least i have my own desk, laptop, phone, name card and name tag and keys. it makes me have a sense of belonging.

and i spent some time in the morning watching ppl catch fish... ya.. watch ppl catch fish. haha..

hmm... but i see my other same staff, she is like really busy. hmm... let name her Ms. E. so next time when i say Ms. E, you all know who she is. (better not to say name, cause you don't know who is looking at ur blog, ya, right? hahaa.) hmm... maybe in the future, i will be like her. so busy.

she is younger then me by 1year. and she join the company half year ago. hmm.. everybody are there about a year or lesser, because my company are quite new. so everybody is ok la. no really senior senior la. and my office only got 3 of us, who are doing events, and 1 on accounts and 1 on educational tour. we are still hiring 1 for HR. hmm... so u can see, is quite a small organisation.

hmm... but for the bosses... they are really quite hokkien ah beng...
hmm... don't really can tahan them... this is a secret between u and me. don't tell my boss!

so yup yup. this is about my first day.
yeah yeah. tml can wear jeans. phew.~

went to li xuan bday chalet on the last sat, oh oh... everybody wear yellow... haha.. what a scene to see. oh did i mention that her buffet taste really good. yummy. or maybe because i was too hungry and everything seem yummy to me.

hmm... still thinking about DS or mini PSP. but now i think that if Mr. M is really buying me a hp. den i don't think he will get me a DS or mini PSP.

oh ya, did i mention that Mr. D had contact me?
oh man, he is really on time to contact me, when his bday is coming. must be coming to get present from me!

tml have a 80 pax function, it was incharge by Ms. E. so she will guide me along. so tml i will be running around with her, to see how the function runs.

waited long enough

2007-11-20T23:23:00.000+08:00

i think i waited for some time already. felt being a fool again. by you.
i should not trust you again.
make me waited like a fool. again.

it happened last time, and so is this time.
never should have trusted your words.
its not the first time.

you painted a beautiful picture,
yet again.

i have been fooled by you. ice.
i should not wait anymore.
move on.

too long.

2007-11-20T22:30:00.000+08:00

yup. so sorry. took so long to blog again.

latest update.
1) yup, Mr. M went overseas for reservice. and YES yes yes! he is coming back tomorrow or can i say is thursday wee morning.... oh man... it really took so long for him to come back. though is only 3 weeks...

2) i got a JOB! ya ya ya~ whoohoo. this also took too long to come. well... can't say much about the job. cause i only start work next mon. supposely is this mon, but company called to postpone. well.. is ok for me. infact is far more then ok, it is great! that i can work next monday, instead of this. cause when Mr. M come back on thursday early early morning, i can pick him up from the airport and not only that. he is off on thursday to sunday! Ya! at least we have some time together b4 i start my work and his too.
oh ya... back to my job. yup yup. is event executive at bottle tree park. at yishun. it may seem abit ulu ulu place to some of us. but well.. is a job. better then nothing!

3) my older sister getting marry next year, sep. and i am moving house by next year mar! so many happening things coming up for next year...

i have been very free since, Mr. M left Singapore. I have been going to gym sessions. so many times in this month. i had spent so many hours watching... heros, korean drama, english movies, chinese movie, etc. so many hours surfing the net too... on singaporebrides.com.
haha... don't be shock. its not for me. for my sister.
went with her from high end BS (bridal shop) to low end too. i can even memorise all the product that are suppost to be in the bridal packages. and what are some of the average package prices. and i even know some of the short form such as " mtm, bs, vg, ps, btbs, yc,jwn," haha... i can even be one of the staff there. hahaa..
ai ya...
i next time den update again. i go and watch my CSI...
bb

photos.

2007-10-22T12:39:00.000+08:00

Went out with ling to buy some cakes for my friends. then last min met up with kelly for lunch. BK selection of English, France and Swiss Sandwich is Nice!! Since, ling had bought her camera along. so don't waste. we decide to take LOTS of photo. haha.

And i think my blog should have some photo, cause it really looks very boring. Singaporean like to read things with big big photo and less words. ...

Have lunch at BK

Visit to SMALL WORLD

mE, lInG, kElLy

Superman

2
3
4
5

1

2
3
4

Finish!!!

So easy to blog with photo. cause. so little words. hohooo...

wasn't a good day

2007-10-17T21:27:00.000+08:00

today is not a good day for me. i can feel that the sky is having the same feeling as me. the sky has been crying lately. i hope i can cry like the rain. cause it has been a long time since i cry again. how i wish to pour out all the unhappiness i have. and use those sticky roll to stick out all the unwanted feelings.

the company had reply me and say no. So. it really broke my heart. felt rejected by my loves one.
i am really tired and i don't like to be like this. because the fact is. there is job out there! and is because I DON'T LIKE THEM. so i cannot blame others but me. because i choose to find the job i LIKE. and by doing that. ppl will really think that u are very chosey and why until now u still can't find a job. is because I LANDED MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION. and i really hate myself for keep having this kind of thinking.

not only that.

yes. i really got rejected by a real person. in fact. i know it coming. i just wish that there were more of it. but anyway. I am not SAD. BUT I AM NOT HAPPY either. but it is good in the way, at least i am out that thingy. at least i am not the one that say it. so if to regret. its not me.

i just hate it. when ppl say. all i do, IS FOR UR SAKE. " think for my sake". DID I put big poster out there, saying I NO BRAINS. PLS THINK FOR ME. NO! so . stop saying all those BULLSHIT! .

i am just ... angry. angry with everything. not really in good mood. cause i really feel. i almost hit rockbottom. ALMOST. almost.

cause if i really did hit it. i won't be at here writing this ANGRY post.

friends

2007-10-13T17:12:00.000+08:00

now to think of it. infact it is not demanding VS satisfying. it is
Expectation VS Demanding VS Satisfying.

i think, i should not, at the very very first place. expect something from this friendship. because. the more we say how our friendship should be. the more expectation i will put on this friendship. and i have forget that i am a person that will ASK FOR MORE. ya. i did. i did admit that yes. i expect a lot from this friendship. so much that it kinda not us anymore. but me.

i felt angry because. i am really angry that why u the person. always ask me to go out. and i personally heard that u, urself said that u also want to drink. but why when i offered you to go out for a drink with me is such a hard thing to agree. maybe it is really pure luck that u are so unlucky everytime i ask u to drink. everytime i expect u to do something for me. u did not make it happened.... expect expect expect. assume. because i though that i could go all the way for u. but somehow, u did not met my expectation of being there for me.

ya. maybe i am a petty person. maybe it just the situation around that makes me into such despo for a break. for a drunk time, when i no need to take care or lead u all. and for once u all can take care for me. i so so so so needed this. but i think nobody really think that it had become so desperate to be drunk.

well... what is the cause of this. expectation and assumption.

but i know its my fault. there should not be any finger pointing at anybody. but it just a moment where u don't wish to say " there is no problem. and wish that u can point at someone else and say. ya, its ur fault. "

i 'm just down. forgive me if i say something or do something that hurt u all. because i so need a time to drink and forget anything else without any pressure that the clock is ticking.

i'm sorry.
friends.

complaint

2007-10-13T16:08:00.000+08:00

Earlier today, my family and i had a dim sim bunch. hmm. not bad la. cause my sister bday. so my father decide to treat the family to some good food.

alright alright. yes. i must admit that yes. i called mr. m. WHICH. is a thing i think i should not do. because we are still back to square one. we quarrel again because of he think that he called so many times and i did not pick up the call. and he think that it is useless to call again. and for my side. i argue for the sake of why he is so petty. ARGGG...
so too... too... too... sound again. yes. i nv manage to say a goodbye.

i really feel like tearing my brain and body apart. ! because they are not united. one is asking me to call again. another is asking me to walk away. save some pride for urself. plzzzzzz...

andd..... my extra extra extra fren has die down on me... this is what i think. because a few day ago. we were like so into each other. and den boom. like all the flame had been extingush by some firelady.

well... don't say i bad la... cause i also need something to attract my attention. or else. all my attention will fall on mr. m. and he will be very cocky.

yesterday. i think i have been waiting to be call out the whole day. and yet not even a single soul had called.
it is always ALWAYS like this. when u needed one. no one came. when u don't need one. everybody want part of u. ALWAYS!

this monday. the company is really going to call. because i called them on friday and they said they will give me the answer whether they are going to hire me anot.
plzzzzzzz........... hire me....................... so i can buried myself with all the workload.

i think i am the kind of person. if no frens or no mr. nice guy come along. i will buried myself in my studies or work. so... as last time i have studies. soo .... lucky my studies are not to bad. i think maybe that the reason why. but now. i don't have work to do..... and it is really so PEK CHEY.

because .............. i have all the free time in the world. but i have no money. no right person to spent it with.!!!! it is alright with me, as there is no right person. but it is not alright with NO MONEY!!!!!!.
cannot do shopping. cannot do my nails. cannot drink coffee. cannot take taxi. cannot sing kbox!!!!

arggggggggggggggggggggg.............

where is my COMPLAINT CAMP!!!!
i needed one right now. give me the form and i will be the first to put my name down!

rain drops

2007-10-12T15:45:00.000+08:00

i think. this is the one time longest break i ever have. there so much to do. but too lazy to do... the sky is going to cry soon. and i feel like jogging. it will definately feel very good. but too bad. i scare of thunder... how i wish one of any of u all, stay close to me, and we can just go for a jog. in raining days.

the smell of rain. feel sad and refreshing.

good news. my family is really going to have another celebration. because..... my sister is getting marry. BUT... she do not know yet. so... KEEP QUIET. because, yesterday, her bf came up to our house and kinda seek "permission" or should i say blessing from my parent. and he show us the ring. haha... of course is a diamond ring. and the location where he is going to pop the question is at.... PARIS. so romantic right... haha...

my sister keep asking, why he want to bring her to paris. is it u wan to propose? and he just keep denying. saying "what? where got the money.. no la." haha...
well.. there is more to say. but well... its kinda long. so anyway. don't say it out! ok. it only meant to be read. and forget. haha.

hai~
felt so many feelings at once...

well.... eventually, everything will fall in places. just like the rain drops.

power offf.....

2007-10-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

today, i slept to 9.30am. exact. and i am awake by the sudden hit of hotness... sound weird? hahaa...
anyway. but at 9.30am sharp. that stupid bangala workers cut off my whole flat of electricity. because they are fixing some wire thingy. and by then. i just woke up. waited for my fren to call and had a breakfast together. and when i get back my house... it is so stuffy... but anyway, i pack august stuff and went down to e clinic. but in the end, we all decided that we should observe august for another 2 weeks then xtray again to see if really needed to take out the wire. so anyway.... by 2pm... i am on the cab back to my stuffy home.

once i reach home. i open up all the window. doors and lie at my sofa. do nothing. think nothing. and just listen to my batt operated mp3 because no electricity. means. no fan! no tv! no fridge! no aircon! no com! nothing! and its until 5.30pm!!! but its gd in the sense.

everything felt so quiet and calm.
felt everything just stop for a moment.

love life

2007-10-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

below are life example. of why i think woman are conradict.

my love life is is is is really messy. complicated. blurry. and terrible.
hmm. this is already the 3rd day since monday. and Mr. M is not calling back and I bet he don't even have the intention to call! oh man.... what if he really do not call... how? trouble. trouble.
but if he don't call.. it is also gd, in the sense i can do whatever things i like. argggg.....

what if during this period, he got to know some stupid girl, just like how i met him, as he is also going overseas soon... omg...

and i have not told him about august latest condition. i felt the responsibility to tell him. but i don't think it will make lots of different. maybe he will just think of money again. or he will be even more proud that i called him back. oh man...

i really really cannot call him. because once i did. he will take this as a benchmark and he will surely bet that i will call him back. idiot!!!
argggg.... but sometime when i am alone today. i did think of calling back and be good. and just be normal again. everything will be easier. easier. easier.... why am i so reluctant to fight for myself. ahhhhh.....

the end. for the live example of why woman are so conradict...

happy birthday

2007-10-09T13:42:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to you.

long time

2007-10-09T13:23:00.000+08:00

i wish to get a break. i wish to go on holiday with kelly and xiao ling and eileen. then we can talk cock, sing song, play mahjong the whole time. or we can all wear nice clothes and nice hat and most importantly nice heels which will nv kill our feet. and just to walk down the city and do shopping! or we can just sit by a coffee alfresco area and have a cup of the best coffee ever and just chat.

well... it just a wish.

a pleasant surprised

2007-09-30T01:57:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i went out with my poly frens for a gathering.
my fren email us earlier that we are eating at this "under the stars, and enjoy the riverview ambience" indonesia restaurant. The name, sound really nice and i quite looked forward to go. but when i was actually there, it started to rain.. so they have to put down the shelter and there goes my beautiful riverview~
but anyway, to my surprise, the food was good also. so its very worth the price of 13 buck for each person. we had a 6 course dish, u know... haha

after that, we wanted to go iguana cafe for a drink due to its 50% discount before 9pm. but there are lots of ppl waiting too. so we decided to walk over to clinic to take a look. but in the end, we went to this very fashionable bar, called fashion bar... haha...
which the light is very dim.... so dim until we have to use our hp light to see the menu. haha.
after that, mei zhi, ade, kim and i went to mos. but jo can't join us due to she got to go early.
but anyway. we got to check out the new "live band disco bar" called the lunar. hmm... we went in too early and i think the band have to start yet, but anyway is free entry b4 10pm. so we just used the toilet and came out. ha!

Mos was ok... cause we went in too early, and the crowd take some time to gather. so by the time we start dancing, it was already 11.30. to add on... the song wasn't very nice too... and there is no lolly pop for me... so it wasn't a very nice time. but though, i and mei zhi and ade. finally went clubbing together.
it was a pleasant surprise for me, when i finally met this long lost fren of mine. that is not the best thing. the best thing is. he has lolly pop! whoo hoo!

well... hmm.. this is kinda of my first entry, which i describe where i go and what i do. so kinda weird. haha.

but there is a secret i like to share... i told a lie during yesterday. haha...

i give up

2007-09-19T00:28:00.000+08:00

i am so sick of love problem.
love love love. something that make u fly to cloud nine and the next min to hell.
love is so complicated. because u know why.
because we as human being. are trying ways and mean to be good to ourselves. but when ppl fall into this trap thingy called "relationship" which equal to = i become we.
u are no longer urself anymore. u are "we".

u have to sometimes force urself to do things that u don't like. hmm... maybe for those inlove ppl out there. "force" may sound to be a harsh word to say. well. then let me say "compromise" instead.

i don't know. the more i am in this trapy thingy... the more i dislike it...
i hate it when i have to please, that e other "i" to be happy, when i am unhappy.
i hate to have hopes on him, when he bound to make me disappointed.
i hate that he is so inconsiderate of my feelings, when i am so concern about his.
i hate that, he got my love for him so easily, when i feel that i have to earn for his.
i hate it when he thinks that i know nothing except playing, when i already have him involved in my future plan. this shows that i do know what i want to do. not only playing.
and when i actually told him, the above feelings.... he hang up on me.

so.. conclusion is. i give up.
this is what i said to him, mins ago.

boring

2007-09-17T22:18:00.001+08:00

i knoe... i knoe...
MY BLOG IS SUPER BORING.
this is really super boring... oh man... this shows that my life is really super boring...
no lah...

i knoe already....
is because no pic... no visual.... that why ppl get bored easily. like reading a book without any pic is real bored. unless the content is really damn interesting.

this whole entry is solely on boredness... haha...
cause i am so so so... lazy....

sleepyzzz... lazy....
just came back from interview and earlier on went out with kelly, eileen and xiao ling. we used her brother's car yesterday and went to eat prata at prata house. yum yum.... still miss it.

big

2007-09-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

i was walking back from a recuriting agency at battery rd and on the way to take train back home, when i walk pass mount zion.
hmm... while.. i wanted to find some book that can really push me toward greater height in my life and wanted some console from God or anyone. So i went in and start looking at the book section.
as i was looking, ha! i saw something that caught my attention. it is the exact book or answer that i am looking for. 'every teenager's LITTLE BLACK BOOK on reaching your dreams'.
when i flip the pages and look at the content, i was shocked. maybe it is ok for you guys out there. but well. i did pray, and i must admit. sometimes i did not pray very religliously. but. God still answer me.
the content are something like. "3 things to do when you are feeling low. "
"3 thoughts to eliminate from your thinking"
"3 keys to motivating yourself to do difficult things"
and of course many more.

i found it shocked, because this is what i was feeling that fews days ago. negative thoughs keep coming in, and i did not stop myself, not to think about it.
the book include about how to plan, work, friendship and opportunity that should not be miss.
well... i find it really fit my need because i have been facing a lot internally. and at the same time i am looking for jobs too. so this is like a big junction point of my life, which is really hard to walk.

okok. stop stop stop. negative thinking. one thing for sure. i may lose all my self confident. but i cannot lose confident on God. this is what i heard over the night on those christian channel. haha.
that why, i know HE is really doing his best. so i am also trying to do my best. because my weakness is really lazy... LAZY. i am really a very lazy person.!
my house is really messy. i have lots of clothes haven't wash yet. and i sleep the whole afternoon. arh....
i should really do something about it to keep me inspire.... well.. ya this is me. i need to do a housecleaning or something to feel inspire or feel new again. kinda weird. but ya. is me.

ok... me going interview tml for... eh... infact i forgot what is it. because i applied during mid august. and until now then they reply me. so i also forgot what is the position about. anyway it should be good. reeds exhibtions. is the company name. today went to this art auction house for interview. the job sound nice. but eh... it seems a lots of things to do...
then... friday going to flying dutchmen events company for interview... then... monday trading assistant interview also...
welll.... it not always like that. i have been through weeks without interview and rejection. it only happen after i pray. after i told kelly how sad i was, and how unhappy about my situation. and she asked me. " did u pray?" eh... that is the question... but the answer is "yes". but i know why. because. i did not believe. seriously. i did not believe and live for my prayer.
so. after that. i really pray.

hey, guys out there. i think u should really believe my God. because. you see. maybe u don't. but i think God is really very kind to me, as... well.. he really DO answer my prayer.
but well.. is not all the time, i have faith and always so religlious. i also have my downs and frustions. but i must have faith. i always feel peace after i complaint finish about everything to Him. haha... and i will have a nice sleep. haha...

ok... its late. will keep posted on my jobs interview...

Dreams Vs Reality

2007-08-31T00:45:00.000+08:00

Do we want to pursue our dreams? or give it up?
because dreams can't fill our desire for money. haha...

i did get two job offer from both company. But until now, i still not yet found the job i really really wanted to do. !

i have to admit to myself. i have yet to found what i really want to do for now. because if i happened to browse through the website of uni studies. sometimes. ok. sometimes, i did pause awhile to think, if i should continue to study.
but no no no. i must stop myself from that. because.... to think of study is because it is a better place to be with, rather then now. so no way.
i have to definately find myself a job that i really want to be in and try it out. because once i did, i will surely know if i like the field, so if i do. i will really know what i need to study and head towards my goal.

but... ya... say it, is easier then really doing it.!

sometimes, i look through those job description about the kind of person they are looking for, i find myself not really up to their standard. because usually they will say, must speak and write english fluently. but everytime i think of that... my O levels english result will appear before my eyes with the big C6, right smack at my face!.

well... i can't possible retake my O levels result for english... the though of writing the composition.... cannot...
really cannot...

pray for a better tml. pray to be happier. pray to be more content with what i have.

PUSH

relationship

2007-08-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

ya, i am a person, who is always asking more in everykind of relationship. BGR, Friendship and even kinship.

i always asking and asking for more.
asking them to understand me, loves me, be there for me. is always me me me.
i can't help it.
this is me.
the though of letting go and stop asking for more is hard.
it really feel like i am sorry for myself. because. if i don't ask for more, that means it is unfair for me. because i am a person who will throw myself into someone who i am in love with. i will love the person so much that i will lose myself in it. i will wear so so so many mask, just to make the person happy. because once he is happy. i am happy.

that is why, my mind and heart cannot be one. haha...
mind is the logical. telling me to ask for more.
heart is the emotion. loving someone with all my heart.

i must tell myself. give me some time. i won't let Mr. M be another wall anymore. because if i really can't break through the wall, i will simply walk it through by the side.

the only thing i need is determination.

yes. i agreed with you. love is simple. because all i asked is happy.
as long as, when i am sad, encourage me.
when it is raining, send me a sms asking, did i manage to run e rain?
when i am bored, cheer me up by sending me some stupid jokes
when i am about to sleep, give me lots of night kisses and sweet dreams
when i am down, take an ugly pic of urself and send to me and say " i am uglier, happy?"

is hard to be me

2007-08-27T21:40:00.000+08:00

Everybody expectation is so high. why do we need to push ourselves to fulfill other people expectations?

is so hard to be me. i always felt that there is nothing left to say about my situation. because the more i say, people will see it as an excuse.
so whatever. i am going to stop being me.
people say that i am irresponsible then so be it. because when you are responsible, people will take it for granted.
i am so seriously hack care.
somehow i really really wish to be what they say that i was. because it will be much easier for me.

ya. i will run run run far far away into neverland.

walk away

2007-08-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

I'm looking for a attention, not another question
should you stay, or should you go?
hey, if you don't have the answer, why are you still standing here?
hey hey hey hey, just walk away

just walk away, just walk away

i waited here for you like a kid waiting after school
so tell me, how come you never showed?
i gave you everything and never asked for anything
and looked at me, i'm all alone

so before you start defending
stop all your pretending
i know you know i know, so what's the point in being slow?

i want a love, i want a fire to feel the burn, my desires
i want a man by my side, not a boy who runs and hides
are you gonna fight for me, die for me, live and breathe for me?
do you care for me? 'cause if you don't then just leave!

i'm looking for attention not another question
should you stay or should you go?
well if you don't have the answer, why are you still standing here?
hey hey hey hey, just walk away

if you don't have the answer
walk away, walk away, walk away, walk away

interviews

2007-08-24T22:33:00.000+08:00

hmm... finally.
kinda out of my house recently, because i have started to look for jobs. this early morning, i have a 9am interview at harbourfront centre. yes. i mean 9am.
what the hell.... i don't mind that it is a 9am interview. but the stupid office is so damn hard to find. harbourfront centre? isn't it a shopping centre? so i actually walk toward harbourfront towers instead. cause it is an office building. make more sense. but when i actually walked over. it turn out that harbourfront towers have two!. idiot. that is so freaking stupid of me. i should just believe that, it is harbourfront centre.
so i walked back instead. and. my feet are killing me.!!!

after i found the office, i though things will also be ok... i mean. its just a interview. there is nothing so dreadful about. but there is!
the stupid lady that interview me is so so so... no words can describe about her. cause she literatly keep focusing on my weakness.. when she ask me about my Olevels english result and i told her that i got C6. she actually frown and say, "very bad right?" wt...hell....
and when she ask me how much i expect for my salary, and i replied her, 1.6-1.8k. she replied me with a shock on her face, as if, i told her that tomorrow is the end of the world.! and she keep repeating" 1.6k? no experience. 1.6k? no experience?.1.6k? no experience????" 3 TIMES!
and i have to keep my pride. so i replied her with my even shock face and said, "ya." 1 TIME.

Well... i feel a sense of relieved when i came out of the office. hmm... even though, i really quite like the job scope except, the reply email and write letter part. which i know, i will be mentally challenge by ENGLISH. hai~

than after that i went for an interview with St Regis. everything is ok.

but after 3 interview with 3 different company. it somehow seems that guys interviewer are better than ladies. cause they treat me better and they are not very hurry or bad. they let you feel at ease when interviewing. hmm... but well. maybe not all cases ba.

and one more thing that i notice. those office man, usually carried those big school bag to work. while dress smartly. hmm.. abit. weird. haha.

today i went to see licence to wed. suppose to see it with Mr. M. so wanted to see it with him. but after all this happening stuff. i also don't really know what to do. i must admit that it actually really influence my feeling this whole period. even during interviewing. cause i really being very frank about what i think and what i want. but ya, there is some part of dishonest. when they ask me what is my weakness. haha. almost blur it out. lucky i still kinda of awake to know what to say.

the show wasn't really up to what i expect it to say about. i think when i going through all this relationship problems and sees couples movie. it really make me feeling like scolding wt...
at how dramatic the couple can easily solve the problems and the guys do what the ladies wanted. how can man understand what we actually want?

argg... whatever.

white lie

2007-08-23T13:27:00.000+08:00

i have already see and understand Mr. M character. well... is not that i can't see who he actually was and is. but the fact is I choose not to see.
the truth is always hurtful to know.
so. since i cannot move forward nor backward in my relationship. i shall just move to the side. and watch it go by.
suddenly just feel like singing FIR "i don't care"

and...
thanks for being there.

"na`na`na`
i dont care
no more care
na~na~na"

love is unreasonable. pride VS love.

2007-08-21T17:58:00.000+08:00

is already 21th August already~
Time past real fast when you are busy, but real slow when i am doing nothing. haha.

In a relationship, can love and pride co-exit together?
For example. if a couple quarrel, usually, for most cases. the ladies will prefer the guys to apology even if it is not their mistake. hmm. maybe that is the extreme cases. okok. eh.
not to apology but to be the first one who will cool down and say" hey, let talk about it".
From this situation, we can see that the guy will have to let down their pride first in order to make peace. or is it really love ?

but usually it is not the case for me. no matter is it love or pride. i lose on both end on Mr. M.
Because, he will used the ultimate solution to get out of this sticky situation which is keep quiet. Yesterday, the argurement that we had was not a very big issue. i can see his point of view, and i acknowledge it. but that does not mean that i have to do according to what he say. I also have my point of view. the main point of why i am angry over the quarrel that we had was because i am the one who is always putting down my pride, my anger, my unreasonable temper, my uncontrollable emotion!. just to speak nicely to him and find out why is he still angry when we have already settle our problem.
i have already put down all the "typical unreasonable girlfriend behaviour" just to be reasonable. this is so so so irony. and the main point is he don't get it. and now. he had the "most uncommon unreasonable boyfriend behaviour". what is going on?
is it because too good to your bf become bad for yourself? than what is love?
Anyway, i am not angry or mad at myself nor him.
i just found myself having disappointment and hack care behaviour now for Mr.M. this is just a temp remedy for me.
i always remember my econs lecturer once say," if you treat your man like a diamond, they will treat you like shit. so if you treat your man like shit. they will treat you like diamond. "

i always find myself landed in this kind of situation where, i find that my lightbulb is on, but not Mr. M. so his is off. and when i finally decide to off my lightbulb. Expectedly. his lightbulb is on because he realised his mistake. but me on the other end will be off,because i am unhappy. and will definately take advantage of his good. and he will become unhappy of my unreasonable behaviour and his bulb will be off again. so mine will be on again. hai~ confusing and tiring.

so the only solution to get out of this circle is to on ur bulb the whole time. but thinking of that, wouldn't it abit unfair to urself?

hmm.... so how?

Love is not selfish, not unreasonable, not taken for granted, trust in each other and loving each other unconditionally. if both party do their part and understand Love. by than, i will be out of this circle.

but by when?
haha....i also don't know. me no love expert
:p

what went wrong?

2007-08-18T23:21:00.000+08:00

i just had a gathering with my group of secondary old school pals.
yup. went for steamboat and some catching up news sharing.
hmm. is not that i am not close to my secondary school fren, is just hmm.... i can't be myself if i am with them, there are some thing i can't just say, they will think different. but i know they want me to be myself. but if i be myself, i can't take some of their character. so ....
is just character clash. haha. but anyway, is not a big deal, is not like i hate them or what. but friends are friends. they are always the group of people that help me to analyse and care about me most.

Anyway, i was wonder is it because some people went to the wrong path and people see them in different light.
people sees them as a grave mistake and should not be given a chance to redeem anymore. this sound serious. but it is. People always say, "oh ya, i always support you". but deep inside they always have doubt on you.
now i understand why the ex con, think that the society look at them at a different light.
because it is true. mistake are always remember and not forget. forgiven but not forgotten.

i always ask my mom why, is it whenever i quarrel with my all boyfriend, no matter is it now or last time, i am always the one that cry so hard and frequent. my mom just reply me, because i take the relationship seriously.
i realised that, is not i always stress easily. but the fact is because i always take all small things seriously. i know life is short, why take all things seriously. but the fact is, life is short. why can't we just make our best for everything.
whatever things we do, we should always do until our best, so is my relationship.

but this does not seem to be the view of everybody.
everybody though that i am weak instead of strong.
sometimes, i always think that life is so unfair to me.
why is no one being through what i being, and stand out to say that, being me is not easy at all.

who is to judge me that i am weak?

STOP

2007-08-15T15:46:00.001+08:00

stop.
stop. the things that i am thinking now. stop.
stop. complaining about everything.
stop. thinking that life is very bad to me.
stop. making urself feeling useless.
stop. being that unhappy girl in that corner.
stop. feeling moody, restless and put that yanking face away.
stop. thinking that i am still at square one, where others are already at square ten.

stop. unhappiness
stop. moodiness
stop. feeling useless. stop
stop.

post birthday feelings~

2007-08-14T17:02:00.000+08:00

while. i am half eating my "21st birthday cheese cake that Mr. M insisting on buying because he want to sing a birthday song for me" and typing this posting at the same time.
sometimes i do that because i scare that my train of thoughs will be forgotten if i eat finish that piece of cake. ha! it may sound lame to you, but well. that me.

well. it is quite a few days since my last entry.
ok, i have been staying at home, if i am out, i am also coming home as early as 10pm. so... ya. many ppl ask me, if i enjoy my bday celebration, or what i intended to do. but er... the answer could be just so so. i mean, its better that i nv go out and had anything at all to compare~

anyway, lets skip that whole session of can't go out and all every other small little single things due to august.

nvm. anyway. i have been thinking about the future and the situation that i am stuck now. i mean now maybe is the hardest period of my life, cause everything just crash together. after this thing, i got to find a job. save money. get married. applied for flats. and well everything.
saying is easy. but now. i am still at the starting point of the boardgame of game of life.

i wanted to do events. but the things is finding one is hard. and my friends all recommend me to do mice events will be better. i think i am just afraid of the first step of the job and the begining where, you got to ask everybody how to do this and that, and they will probably show you that kind of "irritating faces". i just hope that i can faster go through that phrase.

i wanted to join SQ too. but hmm. i don't think that will suit my future plan. but it is a dream though.

i mean i really wish to do somethings now, rather than be at home. but the thing is if later my job got bad and i start complaining. argg... i just hate myself of being like that.

and really really pray hard and i must keep telling myself that august is really working. he is really going to walk. but in the end, if he can't, what am i suppost to do?

but anyway. i am going out this thursday with my secondary school friends. finally.
ok.
detail is
meeting at bugis 7.30pm.
just call each other if you reach already.
we will be having steamboat.

another thing to mention about is. i saw my punggol new house already. no. we do not have the keys yet. but the building are already up and there are corridoor light. so we just went in. the house was lovely. shiny floor tiles, long living/dining area and there are the window that reaches the floor at the living area. but i just find that the window is not really enough for the living area. my second sis room was big but only 3window panel. mine was better, i have 5panel. but some of my room space was eaten up by the master bed room. oh. our room was timber strip flooring. so it got the kind of condomium feeling. the walk way to our room was long also. my parent room was the best. they got the bird eye view. its just the whole area infront of their room was window all the way. and the window is full height window. can u image it? wow. nice nice.
but the bad thing is the kitchen. it is as small as a square. haha.
but anyway that is really really nice. but don't know how it actually feel if we really move over. will we miss my ubi home?

PUSH.august.

kids

2007-08-07T18:31:00.000+08:00

do anybody out there like irritating, loud, noisy, playful kids?

well.. hmm. i don't.
this is not a stupid question.

i mean, they are children, so we as, hmm. young adults. shouldn't be so serious with them.
but sometimes. i just can't take it.
they behave as if, they have no manners.
i really feel like shouting at them " ssshhhuuuuppp up!, shoot go away"
but the thing is. they are not mine.

i always like this joke alot.
there is this man that is on the airplane. and there are kids running around him. so until time later. he can't take it anymore. and he just say to one of the children. could you please play outside.

hahaa.. ya. its a cold joke.

anyway. the though of good and naughty kids sometimes set me thinking. wondering if other ppl like me, dislike naughty kids.
but what if one day. i have naughty kids. without realising it.
oh man. i would really kill myself.

i mean, seriously.

not so bad after all

2007-08-05T23:36:00.000+08:00

things in fact don't really look that bad as i have describe...
ya. maybe is just how i look at it.

yup. i miss yesterday primary school, wee xiang bday chalet. and i think some of friends are not really very happy. but well. will try to make it up. i guess... in the future. and yes. today. i miss the church service again. yup. not the first time. and yes. today i nv go for the FOP. cause, afterall. infact if i really go. my mom can't and if my sister really going to take care. well it would be troublesome and ya ya. etc.

but anyway. i realised that after all this complaint after complaint. ya, i can see that M is trying very hard not to be angry with me. yup yup.

hmm. yup. i call up the bank and ask about all those necssary paper work thing for my cancelation of the bank loan. hai~ i will spare u all, or even me for writing out the details. is way too.... boring and tiring to type about it.

oh ya. another thing was, hey hey hey. i just check the website of singaporeair. yup. they are recuriting again.
25 and 26 Aug.
9am - 1pm.
raffles city. swissotel the stamford.
4th level. atrium ballroom.

hmm... still considering. to go or not.
cause well... ya. there is a lot of things to think about and compare.
but anyway.
i am tired today.
i heard that kelly and eileen is coming my house tomorrow for swimming.
is that true?

crashing down

2007-08-04T01:10:00.000+08:00

my mood is killing me~~

lots of lots of up and down. hmm. let me correct myself. is lots of anger and anger!

M is really killing me! i think i am really really going to hit my head against the wall! i don't understand why this bloody breathing walking "thing" does not seem to understand each word that is coming out of my mouth. am i speaking unknown foreign language?? i am speaking plain sin-lish.
there must be something wrong. it must be my unknown language or else it would be his barldy hell ears that is having something wrong. don't he understand that this matter is not about me. but US.

yup. all of you out there, listen up to what had happened.

i have ask my sister to take care of my dog, due to.. M's sister is organising a dinner for his dad birthday. But he had refused the offered because he is not happy about what happened last time, about the rushing to get home to look after my dog, half way if my sister start to complaint. but the thing is, i had asked my sister, long before tomorrow will come to take care of august. and after long thinking and planning. she agreed. and now. not only she can take care, but my mom suddenly is free to take care too.

but he just refused. he think that i am doing all this because i wanted to go for the chalet. hmm. ya... but there is the tiny winy part of the reason of why i wanted my sister to take care.
i mean, i should not feel anything wrong about it. cause well. my sister is also the owner of august. and the main MAIN reason, why i wanted to be alone with him, so we can spent some couple time.
is that too much to ask??
then he said, after august is recover, we have plentiy of time. ya. i agreed. but the thing is when? after few months? or half a year?
the thing is, it is not him that is going to take care and face him for the whole blardy hell of a week. everyday, 24/7. i have been facing august. even now! when we are together. there is august. there is no i and him now. it is I, HIM, AUGUST.
ya, i know, i am abit over think. it is not as bad as i have describe. but ... i am only hunger for couple times.

and i said to him, can u don't be so petty about the kbox thingy. and move on. cause now, i give my sister time to think and plan. and if she say ok. that means she has plan her way.
but he simply refused. because he is petty and he thinks that my sister will take this thing and complaint again. true but ugly of him.

i mean time for us to be together. than we must take it! while we can. don't he get it?
i mean i can hardly forseen any other good chances to be alone together. since now he got a good reason to let august be in my sister care.

and u know what? my sister is going to redaung? or whatever its spell island from this wednesday to saturday.
is not that i am angry over the idea. but deep inside, i am not very very very happy. seriously.
i think is i choose not to find a reason to be angry with this piece of information that i just heard. but i am just not happy. that maybe sound nicer than angry.

i may be just moody. ya. that sound even nicer.~
whatever.

i am not blaming her.
well. this is what i suppose to do. takin care of august. watching dvds. ya. maybe that will cheer me up.
i must look on the brighter side.
i am so amused. ha!

the wrong feeling

2007-08-03T21:10:00.000+08:00

yup yup.
i know. i been trying to blog as always as possible. But as those people that know my characters, is that, they know i am lazy. ha!
but i'm trying. seriously.

hmm. quite a few things happened. but so sadly. yes. i cannot say it out loudly or boldly.
after what had happened. i did think what he say about me. me being too taking every single things too seriously, that i don't even know when is he joking or is he really meaning what he say.
another thing about me that i found out was, i keep giving people the feeling of not telling everything that i really mean. it that really what you all think about me? being taking things too seriously and does not share about most of my actually feelings?

well... i don't know. but well, for one thing that i know. he is not the first person that say such things about me.

i really hope to go clubbing recently. not because of anybody, but to enjoy it. hmm.. cause it had really been a long time since i go clubbing again. i know xl will loves to go with me, so is kelly and Eileen. but i am so sorry guys, i can't at the moment. i must persever. hmm is it spell this way?

but anyway, recently, i been trying to keep my mood happy and be glad of what i have. and taking august too. trying hard not to blame anybody about anything.
been spending my time on harry potter. i am so happy to read finish but at the same time was sad that, there is nothing to go on too. i mean no more further more of the Potters' story.
So. i start to watch his movie again. haha. lucky for me marc got all until the recent movie.

hai~ i don't know what to do for tomorrow. don't know to go for the chalet and fight with him. or just don't go and go back to take care of august. but i know, that my primary school friends will all be curious why i came back, and are all waiting for me to explain. but well. i don't really wish to explain anything. but thought that if my present will be around on this coming chalet. i though things will be easier. but marc don't see it that way. and i am really having problems of explaining it to him. really having difficulties on my part.

hmm, i also need to find time to go out with my secondary school friends. it have been nearly a month since i seen them. and i felt so so bad not going out with them.
and not to say bad things about them. but they are the kind of, really see into actions, but not words.
well, different people, act differently.

all those wrong feelings inside me. hope they disappear quickly.

monday

2007-07-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

as i have mention on my yesterday blog, i will try to blog as regularly as possible.
but today was not as bad as i have expected. cause today is a monday. my mom is off today, so she helped me to look after August today.
hmm.. to think of it. i think i am a little guilty over it. as i think i spent my whole day reading harry potter 5.

i only notice i have harry potter 5 after kelly spent a night at my house on the tuesday. as she was so engross in finishing her harry potter 6.

but anyway, yup. i finish reading it and i am waiting for my sister to finish the no. 6, so i can read it.
it was entertaining in reading it, cause we have seen the movie before. and we could image the characters look and expression. it was like a movie been play in your mind, but at the speed of your reading.

ok. today i nv had much time to have a decent conversation with marc.
hmm... well, because i was anxious to have the movie played finished as soon as possible inside my head.
felt pretty bad about it, after i finish the book, for not really paying attention to his calls. well.. but i think he will be ok with it...

mom made great ba ku teh today for dinner, although i was nv a fan of it.

August was good today. maybe his mood was also feeling better. and we did made him swim today in the small floated pool that i have blow for him. but i think it was too shallow for him. so my mom put him inside the small red container that we have. though the depth was good. but the diameter was too small..
so in the end, i think he just played water for today.

i really wish to jog for a while. maybe going to gym with eileen, as i have read her blog yesterday. but as i have say... wish to. haha.
well... when i have time. i will.

imature.

2007-07-30T00:39:00.000+08:00

its a long long time since i blog again.
i think i must really build up that habit to. cause if not. why am i having a blog for?

well. to most ppl out there. ya.. i am back to singapore again~ the sunny island which i though the sun is alway shining on my side.
well, me saying that was actually very obvious that, the sun is not shining on my side.

firstly. don't ask me why i am back to singapore again. cause i am tired of explaining why. ( not because i am feeling gulity and the reason doesn't seems like a reason)

secondly. let see my life as a third party.

i see myself as hmm... yes. jobless now because of a pet, which is my dog. the famous August which has been appearing on my blog so many times. and to make the situation worse.
I abandon a whole bright future of overseas studies to came back to singapore.

I felt that i am very very absolutly tired, annoy, irritated, and worse of all. hate. to look after my dog. i felt that i am giving out every and each opportunities to go out to meet my friends, fun, gathering, and even dating! to look after my dog. because down right to one point. RESPONSIBILITY.

which is, example: i took care of august from the day that i am back until the first saturday of my return, i went our with marc(bf). i went our in the morning to sentosa, cause his company was having a family day. after that, we went to his friends house for steamboat follow by a karaok session. in the biggest room i have ever been to kbox. really. the room was like the double size of my living room. imagine it! ok. enough of that. that is not the main point. the main point is. when i am having the most fun of it. the thing that i irrks. most. happen.

my sister sms me and say. where are you? do u know that you are very irresponsible to throw august to mom's care. she has help you the whole day and you are not back yet. ?

"Arrgrrg!!!!"" i am so so so sick of it! nvm. alright. there~ gone. bye bye to my kbox

so u see it.
not going home early, putting august to other ppl care, except me is = IRRESPONSIBLE.
which in turn be = imature.
because i don't know how to think.

but the point is. at the very very first place. when buying august. my second sister also have the responsibility of taking of him.

but why is it. because oh.. she got to work the weekday so i have to take care of august. became naturally i have to take care of him the whole bardly hell time~

and that is not to make my life situation worse.

thirdly. my bf.
with august around. as because i can't let other ppl to take care of him. so in the end. even weekends i have to take him to my bf place.
which excuse moi~ do u know the fact that my bf also work 5 days a week. so that means. i sees him only 2 day. and this only tiny 2day have to share with my dog?!
and my dog barks for no reason over at his places, and he know that i have been taking care of him for the weekday. so he will try to help me to take care august. which i know personally. he, himself is very tired too. which adds up everything = bad situation to worse situation.

in addition. i felt so stupid to be angry over a dog?! which we had fun and love attitude to buy him at the vvery very first place.
can u see it? i can't voice what i am feeling now. because it will sound so so damn stupid ~ which it will even more show that i am very imature.
which also show IRRESPONSIBLE.
"ARRRRGGG""

and i can't complaint. cause this is what i come back for. remembber??
to even add to the realitiy pain that have been biting me, since i am back from the down under.

i am a unhappy, angry person. which means. i am always having negative thoughs.

arrrrrrrhhhhhhh~~~
this is so so so bad.
angry little me.

which i really don't really wish to see it as me. but arggg. that is the fact.
i am a angry person.
stay away. caution.
cause beware not the dog. but the owner.

imature. single word to describe what other will think of me.

sad

2007-06-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

I am sad. ya. sad or what can i describe about how i am feeling now?
i am felt that my heart is so heavy that i can feel the weight on my neck.
maybe it is not sad, but trouble.

I can do nothing to help my dog. this is how i feel. ya, maybe ppl may think that it is just a dog, why should it let you affect ur feeling so much. but the fact is, i have so much to worry about. it is not why i am worrying about my dog, but i am worrying for myself. i am going to fly away from this sunny island soon. but the thing is, i have not do what i wanted to do before i leave.
I wanted to open a 21st birthday cum farewell party. i wanted to invite all my relatives, my primary school friends; "secondary boys and girls"; "poly groupmates"; church friends and well ya, and some "special friend-s". From young until now, i have not open any bday party b4. i have nv actually "be a star of the day" that i really want to be. i always wish that my 21st bday party would be fabulous and i will receive lots of wonderful gift so that i can have that satisfy smile on my face.

but now.. its not until that sad that i have no celebration at all. but it is all individual. but that is not the main problem yet.

the main problem is i am financial really broke. and August had to be taken care by me. because mom always think that, marc bought for me, so I am the owner. So I have to be responsible for him. Is not that i am blaming August. i mean no one wish that such things happened to any dog. ya. i have to update his condition. which is : he can't move now, he can only lie on the cushion. someone must feed him food, cause he can't move to eat by himself, so is everything. everything include: eating, pass urine and motion and also must keep observation on him, because i also have to think if the surrounding is it too cold or too hot for him. have to take serious care, because he cannot move.
well. i can't type long. cause he just cry. don't know why... he really seem very unconfortable and he show signal that he wish to turn around. infact it is really heartbreaking to see him like dat...
why must he become like that.
is really not that i am blaming him. is just that i have so many things to do now and wish to have as many gathering as possible. but i am broke and my stupid bf is not really very understanding. ya. great.

breath. PUSH.

Amazing love

2007-06-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

You dance all over me
when i am unaware
You show me hope
when i am in my deepest valley

You are really amazing
And i am amazed by you, God.

I notice that in just this few months. God had actually help me and carried me through my problems. From the starting of my application for the uni, He gave me reply when i really needed. He gave me successful loan when i apply for one, He gave me accommodation when i seek, He gave the ticketing customer officer patience that could lasted her throughout the whole messy; mind changing customer like me and lastly He makes it perfect that my mom can stay in my accommodation, when at first the landlady say cannot.

I am amazed by God.

August

2007-06-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

My dog just fall ill suddenly. so sudden, that i nv though that this kind of situation will fall on him. I think i really took him for granted, that everytime i reach home, he would welcome me with his wiggling tail and friendly bark. I really miss him alot, though its only like 3 days since he is not at home.

I know that God will makes his decision and He will plan the way. But sometimes, it is just too hard for us to understand why, but to accept it. I really hope and pray that my dog would be just like any other dog. Though i always pray for special. But this is the only time, i really wish that he could be as normal as every other dog. Well, all i can do now, is to visit him everyday and hope that my present would make him happy and be strong.

But I know that August is not the worse. there are other dog that is worse than him over there. However, i hope that, they are not what i seem them to be.

PUSH

2007-06-11T13:05:00.000+08:00

Today was a excited and nervous day for my fren. i think so. if it will to be me that is going to sign on the dotted line of the doc. marriage.

i am so happy for her. i am meeting my girlfriends and we are going to meet her at her house. i guess it will be alot of ppl going.

having headache in choosing what dress to wear... and hoping that it will not be too over~

really got to thanks God today.
i called up the agency and got to change my flight date. and guess what? i got a seat for 12july! hurray! i can attend xiao yan wedding. haha~
got chances to wear new shoes and wear nice dresses.
i mean i am not saying jo jo rom cannot wear nice dresses. but they should not be too over formal :p

hai~ but can't be too happy. cause the person is very mian qiang to help me hold on the tickets. as soon as i get my visa but this end of the month. i must quickly . at a lighting speed to call the agency to confirm my ticket. must keep praying.
IDP!!! faster send me my COE.... grrr!!

pray. pray. pray
Pray until something happen (PUSH)!

planning...

2007-06-04T22:11:00.000+08:00

I hate to say it. but i am always planning ahead of times.
i need to plan, where am i going to stay; is there available tickets left; how many ppl is going; where can i find cheap accommodation without being disappointed when i step into one.
i feel like, i am really planning my own holiday. i am my own agent for myself...
i hate to admit it. but i am feeling sucks.

cause i always though this is the things that i like to do. planning...

i need money for everything... my expensive aussie 430 dollars visa... my family stay of 2 weeks in aust... and the living expenses for the 2 weeks, plus maybe some school adminsration fees and etc, etc...

i need to breath. stay calm.
ya, i am good.

different

2007-05-30T16:37:00.000+08:00

Someone told me this, after i have a coversation that does not speak about my bf for more than 5 sentence.

dont you feel that
you bf treats you very nice
but its just the feeling
u know being together with him makes you feel save
but its just that its not the life you want
it feels bored
but its a road that you can trust on

well....

i just wrote,

you r right.

but you are the opposite.

boring

2007-05-30T15:47:00.000+08:00

i am just getting boring.
its not that i dun have things to do, but i do.
its just... simply... lazy.
yes. you are right. i am lazy....

just do finish quite a lot of stupid and funny test. and upload some of the result to share with my frens.

hey, u all should try it out. is fun.

get to know me more~

2007-05-30T14:57:00.000+08:00

You Should Drive a Porsche

Flashy and a bit of a show off, you can't help but love a car that shouts your high status.

What Sports Car Should You Drive?

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 50% Good and 50% Bad
Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.
But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

You Are Fairly Skeptical

You're not the type of person who will fall for anything...
But you do keep your mind open to all sorts of possibilities.
You figure that anything could be true. After all, the world is a strange place.
However, you're going to need some convincing before you can believe in aliens or reincarnation!

How Skeptical Are You?

You Are 40% Extrovert, 60% Introvert

You're a bit outgoing, a bit reserved
Like most people, you enjoy being social
But you also value the time you have alone
You have struck a good balance!

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

You Should Go to Grad School

Grad school definitely isn't for everyone, but it looks like it's for you.
You have a pretty good idea of what you want to study - and how it will further your career.
So go ahead and go for it! You're ready to be a PhD.

Should You Go To Grad School?

You Are 64% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're very addicted to love.
But you're not really getting the deep love you seek.
Short lived, dramatic relationships are more your style.
Let go of needing someone, and you may find someone you actually want.

Are You Addicted to Love?

You Are 73% Perfectionist

You are a true perfectionist. You are both demanding of yourself and others.
While it's great to have goals and standards, they don't need to be sky high!

Are You a Perfectionist?

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

best fren

2007-05-29T20:38:00.000+08:00

well... my childhood fren is getting married!
but then... i don't think i could able to attend it.. hai cause i will be going to study...
hmm.. i really thinking how i wish to defer my studies, but i scare once i defer, i will find it hard to go again.
there are so many things to consider...
but ya, studies is always not wasted and its always worth it.
but i just don't wan to lose out everything just because of my studies... my relationship, my childhood fren, and i am most probably going to move house at the next year first quarter of the year... HDB had send the letter already..

hai~ me and my crazy mood swing. just because of that,.. i called someone, which i should not call... and now i must eat my own action...
stupid me~

under pressure

2007-05-28T16:57:00.000+08:00

i think i am telling myself not to stress out. but try to stay on it!
the time is running out...
There are so many programme going on...
they even have a planner for you to tick which programme to go.
example, before O week, Orientation day 1-5 and lastly after O week....
I will try to go early as possible. and try to attend those important session before O week....
but there is another thing that i am worry about, is IT... i really hate it when it comes about internet connection... you having ur own problem with the laptop, etc...
and i know that my bf is not going over with me... and now only confirm would be my mom and uncle. which i think they also dun knoe much about laptop..
i really feel like, i am dragging myself to know all this knowledge, because if i dun help myself, no one will...
God, please help me to take things easy but not slowly. Let your will be done and not mine. If i really meant to go this sem, than may You help me along the way. If not, please please help me to accept your decision.
hai~~~
why no fren is going with me...
i just have to keep going. under pressure.

'love' is like a drug

2007-05-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

he. again. make my feelings go up and down.
i need a lolli now.
i need a drink now. really now.
i find that 'love' is like a drug.
when you know that the guy is not the one that u really want, or he is a bad person. Yet you will still find yourself so hard to resist him. Once again you forgive, and allow him into a deeper level of love. and the next moment you find that he hurt you again.
but this time is different from the first time. because it hurt more then the last time.
and i realised one thing.
The longer you hold on, the harder that you find it to break away with. and the most suffering thing is, you don't know yourself anymore...

your own opinion is no longer important. he is.
your time is no longer precious. he is.
your should have no stress. only he has.
you should be happy always. only he can flare up whenever he wish.

i do not wish to admit my own scoreboard in relationship, which i think it is always going on a circle. sometimes, they are so powerful that it can make you think that, maybe the only problem here, is not them. but you...

we go eat air~~

2007-05-19T14:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was fun.
I went to my fren house, xl..~~ haha.
we finally have the chance to borrow her brother car, and i decide to go for a spin. haha... she is my first fren to sit the car i drove. hai~
too bad my other 2 best fren can't join... can't of miss out the fun...
so we drove from jurong east to this stupid whatever reservior and it took us about 30min because my this xl... dunnoe how to read the map?~! neither is me... wahhah...
and when we came back... it only took us like 10min. it is so near lor....
but anyway, it was fun.
;p

My Darlings..

2007-05-19T02:12:00.001+08:00

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!

Today is da first day

2007-05-03T20:35:00.001+08:00

well...
today is da first day of bloggging...
i though of blogging long time ago, but was quite lazy to do it. but finally today had the chance to. hmm.. still not very sure how should i do it. and where to find nice template for my blog.
i intend to start blogging cause, i wanted to write down, what had went by.
i had read this up from some where, where they use, the only benefit of writting down instead of saying, is because, you can take it out, and read it again.
it is something that is there already.
hmm.. today until here. cause i'm still looking around. how to do this blogging thingy. haha.